let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
