Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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