i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
