god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
