What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
