he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize