So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
