i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
