I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how drunk are you?
Several
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
