Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
