he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
