I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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