I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
