Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
