this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
