i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
