i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
