can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
