Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
