I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
