just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
