All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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