You smell like a Billy Joel song
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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