Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
