nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize