dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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