I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
