Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
