I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
