this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
