Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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