I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
