I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
