my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
