um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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