Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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