So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
