What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
