Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
