Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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