haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
