There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
