I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
