I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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