You just made me feel so damn special
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
