You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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