Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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