my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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