tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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