True but thats because hes a fetus.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
