Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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