so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
