i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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