remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
