I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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