when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize