One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
