In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
