Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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