i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
