I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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