i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
