I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
