i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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