We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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