i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
