Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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