like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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